By Popular Demand, We are compiling All the Golden
Rules in one document
Every aspiring movie maker should carry a copy of this in his or her pocket at all times!
The Golden rules of Cartoons, Claymation and Anime
Rule One. Anyone can produce a Cartoon movie given the software that is available on the market.
Rule Two. The more outlandish the subject matter the better the chances of success.
Rule Four Whatever happens in one episode or movie has no effect on the next episode. The characters never die. They can be killed many times.
Rule Five. The characters can do any job. In the Simpsons series, for example, Homer Simpson has tried his hand at many jobs none of them successfully. Will he keep our interest in the upcoming movie?
Rule Six. Beavis and Buthead in the 1990’s and Simpsons somewhat later affected the way the kids talk and act in the early 21st Century. Before that, kids were watching old stuff from Disney, Warner, Hanna Barbera or others such as the Road Runner, Yogi Bear and Flintstones. Do you know that most Baby Boomers believed in the Jetsons? We’ll need something new for this Century.
Golden Rules for Comedies:
Rule One. Currently four letter words and sexual situations are the favorites
Rule Two. If you want to make a good comedy, you will need to engage the services of a writer who is also a comedian at heart. A mischievous kind of guy or gal.
Rule Three. Avoid making political comedies. Leave that stuff to Michael Moore
Rule Four. English comedies are generally hilarious, even if you do not understand some of their expressions. Unfortunately, they do not get much screen time in US.
Rule Five. If you must use four letter words and sex, try making an NC-17 comedy. Nobody has and it may sell better than R rated one.
Rule Six. Unless you are remaking a Jerry Lewis
movie, avoid making remakes, they are never as good as the original. Remakes of English movies by
Rule Seven. If you want to make a really different movie, hire Howard Stern to write the screen play. Select Howard and Eddie Murphy as the main stars and throw in Cameron Diaz as an added attraction. It is sure to be a blockbuster!
Rule Eight. It is best to avoid comedies with racial undertones. At one point it was considered OK to use race for laughter as long as the targets were the same ethnicity as of the comedian. Now, the rules have changed and it seems that everyone is fair game.
Rule Nine. In their golden years, the French made comedies about cheating wives and cuckolded husbands. Even though they were in black and white they were funny, even with the subtitles. The husband was usually a bald fattish guy who was rather stupid but not brutish. Try that idea.
Golden Rules for
Rule One. Making Adventure and Epic movies is not for the faint of heart. You will need money, talent and a good story.
Rule Two. Spending money and having superstars does not guarantee success. Samuel Goldwyn found the hard way with 55 Days at Peking and Twentieth Century Fox did not do much with Cleopatra even with all the hype they created by bedding Richard Burton and Elizabeth Taylor together during the shooting to generate interest.
Rule Three. For Epic movies you will need to spend as much for promotion as for the production. A few years ago, the elegantly made movie, The Kingdom of Heaven did not do as well as it should have done. It was a superbly directed movie with a great story and a fine cast and yet it did not be become a blockbuster. On the other hand, the Gladiator which was a nice movie but not really a great movie won Oscars and made a ton of money. Some of it had to do with the way the two movies were promoted, Gladiator by DreamWorks and The Kingdom of Heaven by 20th Century Fox.
Rule Four. Remakes are
always possible. Still rule one applies.
Rule Seven. Special Effects or as
Golden Rules of Dramas:
Rule One. When it
comes to dramas, take no notice of what other critics say. Remember, critics write for each other and
each one wants to seem more cultured than the rest of them. The most boring dramas have received rave
reviews from TV and newspaper critics only to flop at the box office.
Rule Three. In a drama, the director makes the difference more than any other type of movie. If you think about it, in a horror movie it is blood and sex, in epics it is the grandeur of the set. In a drama it is the director that has to bring the story out through actors.
Rule Four. Dramas could be inter-racial or multi racial and still be successful. Malcolm X was about a Black activist who was disliked by many Whites during his lifetime. Spike Lee managed to bring out a wonderful movie that appealed to both Blacks and Whites.
Rule Five. Sexually
taboo subjects of the past such as homosexuality are now acceptable if done
elegantly. Movies such as
Rules for Horror Movies.
Golden Rules for Musicals.
Golden rules they
teach you at the
Rule Six Do not trust the police especially if they say that they can help you make a deal before things get worse. That is usually a ploy.
Rule Seven. Remember that the police, at least in the movies, are trained to lie or sympathize with you if it helps to get confessions. As far as we know, it is allowed by law.
Rule Eight. If you admit to something and put it in writing, you may think that you could later claim that it was coerced out of you. However, the courts will go with your initial confession and your denial in court will generally have no effects. Ask for a lawyer.
Rule Nine. Don't believe it if the detectives say that they have witnesses to put you at the scene of the crime or your accomplice has confessed or your DNA result shows that you are the guilty one so you better make a deal now. It is usually all a bluff. Ask for a lawyer and shut up.
Rule Ten. Do not accept drinks or food from the police while being questioned. That is a ploy to make you want to go to the bathroom. Then they will ignore your request to make you desperate to make a confession. If necessary relieve yourself in your pants. They won't like it and you may get slapped around, but then you are off the hook.
Rule Eleven. Offering drinks and food is another ploy to get fingerprints or DNA.
The Golden Rules that they teach at the Cavalry School
Rule One. When being attacked by Indians, shoot at the horses first. It may sound un-American in the Twenty First Century but in the Nineteenth Century it was the way to survive.
Rule Two. If you are attacking a stage coach, do not bother with trying to shoot the driver or the guy riding shotgun. They are small targets well hidden by all the luggage. Also, the horses may panic and go off a cliff or canyon. So, your only choice is to shoot one of the horses. The stage coach will stop immediately and both the driver and the shotgun rider will be thrown off the top by the sudden jolt.
Three. If you are faced with a runaway buckboard,
with a damsel in distress, shoot the horse. If you do not, chances are that the buckboard will topple over and kill
Rule Five. If you are being attacked by the Indians while traveling in wagon trains, circling the wagons may not help that much. Remember that the Indians can get inside your defensive perimeter with their bows and arrows by shooting into the air above your position. It has to do with the laws of physics and trajectory. If you do not understand it, contact me and I will explain it in more detail.
Rule Six. Don't think that the Indians are not smart. When it comes to desert warfare, they are as smart if not smarter than you are.
Rule Seven. In the old West killing was easy. So, people might kill you if you they don't like the color of your eyes. One outlaw, John Wesley Hardin, once killed a man for snoring.
Rule Eight. In the old West, people shaved at most once a week and maybe took a bath once a month.
Some additional pointer from this historian for the aspiring movie makers.
Rule Nine. In the old West, saloons were dimly lit dismal places where you could hardly see ten feet in front of you. They were lit with oil lamps and the smoke and soot permeated everything.
Rule Ten. The saloon girls were mostly ugly floozies with missing or crooked teeth. Some had pox or were afflicted with tuberculosis. Many would drink laudanum, a derivative of opium, to ease their pains and to be able to tolerate having dirty stinking customers pawing them.
Rule Eleven. However, there was such a shortage of women that many men would marry these girls. In those times, it was not considered dishonorable to be married to a “working” wife.
Rule Twelve. The unwashed cowboys wore crumpled old clothes. None looked like or dressed like Kevin Costner, Val Kilmer or Kurt Russell.
Rule Thirteen. Since there was hardly any entertainment in town, the patrons would get drunk on cheap whiskey and shoot at each other at the slightest provocation, or just for fun. Fortunately, they missed most of the time, on account of being drunk and the place being so dark.
This is copyrighted material. You may use portions of the material for educational purposes as long as you credit the author and www.moviebuffs.com as the original source.
© 2006 Ricardo Barberini
Please note: The material is presented here for moviemakers’ educational purposes. It is hoped that you will learn from the experience of the experts to make better movies or make your viewing more enjoyable. We do not claim or guarantee the accuracy of the information, after all this is a movie website.
Golden Rules of Sci-Fi
Rule One. There is always an audience for Sci-Fi movies but it is not as big as for the horror movies.
Rule Two. Special effects are wonderful but, they do not take the place of a good story and good acting?
Rule Three. You cannot make a Sci-Fi at home. People have tried to make low budget fantasy films with hilarious results. Remember Ed Wood and Plan 9 from Outer Space.
Rule Four. You can combine other movie categories with your Sci-Fi story. For example, people have made Sci-Fi’s that are really horror movies in disguise such as the Alien series or comedies such as the Galaxy Quest.