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the descent

The Descent
Directed by: Neil Marshall
Cast: Shauna Macdonald, Natalie Jackson Mendoza,
Alex Reid, Saskia Mulder,
Nora-Jane Noone

Written by:
Jaysin Champion
AKA Jay Decay

January 2, 2007

Ok so after hearing good things and bad things about this movie I was kinda on the fence on weather I'd watch it or not but seeing as Neil Marshall, the director of The Descent also directed one of my personal favorite movies Dog Soldiers, I had to give it a chance, and this is what I saw.


First of all take the "S" out of the name and you'll find what this movie really wasn't, decent. This movie didn't even come close. Now I've heard stories that this movie is meant for women to watch to show them how empowering they are in retrospect to men but instead just shows us what it's like to watch one big catfight with creatures to end up making this movie a bomb. Now I do admit Natalie Mendoza was super hot as Juno the thrill seeking biznatch but her character just irritates me. You see she takes all her friends, including her freshly traumatized best friend Sarah, into this uncharted cavern in the Appalachian Mountains in hopes that they can name it, primarily so SHE can name it. Well push comes to shove and we find out that she's just a conniving little backstabber. And on that we have Sarah who's husband and daughter were viciously impaled by some copper pipes after wrecking into another car carrying said pipes on the top of said car in the beginning of the movie which just totally screws her up, so much that she keeps seeing images of her daughter holding a birthday cake coming towards the camera which makes NO sense but I still give her credit for even going on the stupid trip in the first place being as if I saw my family get killed with copper pipe I wouldn't leave the house, and would probably have all the copper pipes in my house taken out and replaced with PVC. Anyways, add a super annoying girl named Holly, a wannabe doctor Sam, Sarah's best friend Beth and the ever loving person in the background Rebecca and you got six women that have no clue what they have in store for them when they run into these creatures known as Crawlers as all hell breaks loose.

Now some may say this is one of the bloodiest movies ever made but know that you don't even SEE the first Crawler until almost an hour into the movie, before that it's just some woman's weekend getaway, and not trying to sound sexist, because I'm obviously not, but this movie is far from par of your average horror movie. I do admit though there was some good effects on the Crawlers, MOUNDS of dead bodies, great kill scenes, and a satisfactory kill count to match, but this movie just didn't strike me like I thought it might coming from the guy that directed one of my all time faves. Be warned, it's bloody but not the bloodiest.

The breakdown of The Descent is as follows :

Body Count : 15

Boob Count : 1 set but trust me you dont want to know what they are on. Ewwww!

Other : A great wreck in the beginning of the movie, alot of wasted road flares, hundreds of animal and human bones, one huge pointless pit of blood, and a Tarantino style Eye Gouge.

Jay Decay's Rating:

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